Still on the issue of anxiety, following a huge response to one of my recent articles, I thought it would be nice for us to take a look at anxiety in marriage. You will be shocked by how many people who are about to step into marriage or are already in marriage and are really anxious.
Maybe I should start with those who are about to get into it. In the article ‘bring down the walls of anxiety’ which you will find on www.foladaniel.org, I mentioned social anxiety as one of the types of anxiety that people may have. I think that this also applies to so many people who are trying to get married.
Some of them have been to the amazing wedding that their friends had and they have worries about how theirs will turn out. A few others have seen the really nice guy or lady that their friends got married to. Others have seen the really bad guy or lady that their friends got married to so they are wondering if they will ever get the right person to marry.
Some young people have serious worries because of a few other people they have seen around them who are married and are irresponsible or are having some challenges that are beyond their control. The ladies want the really rich guys to come asking their hands in marriage. The guys want the very responsible lady that will give him peace of mind.
As for the married, the anxiety varies from trust issues to the issues of financial security. Other more serious issues are the medical ones where the life of one partner is threatened or the ability of such person to produce a baby is seriously in doubt.
It can be frustrating to wait for so long and only to find out that the man you married can’t even perform in bed. If he can’t perform how will you even talk about having a child? It is because of this anxiety that so many people have tried hard to have a solution. Unfortunately they go about it the wrong way. Some ladies have begun insisting that their husbands must impregnate them before they can talk about marriage. Please note that getting pregnant before the marriage does not guarantee his faithfulness or the fact that he can even lose his ability to perform after the wedding.
As for the financial worries, it is important that both parties keep developing themselves by using every opportunity that they have. When you get a chance to train and acquire new skills, please do because you never can tell when that skill will be useful. The more skills you have the merrier. It is easier to fit into different places until you get something doing that you can stay with for a longer period. Even at that, I am never a party to depending solely on one skill and one job, especially if you don’t own the job. Get some financial education and not just depend on what you saw from your mother and father. Have a financial advisor who knows what he or she is talking about and he is actually putting his money where you are being advised to put your money.
Whatever your marital worries are, I think you need to realize that just worrying about them or just being anxious will not get them out of your way. The very important thing is to get together with your spouse and discuss it. Make sure you both agree on the strategy for the way out and begin to work with it.
If the issue is about faithfulness to each other, you have to assure each other of your trust and commitment in words and in actions. Don’t just ask someone to trust you when you are doing something suspicious. Don’t expect people to trust you when you are also not open enough to them. Couples must be open to each other to allay each other’s fears about infidelity.
To enjoy your marriage you can’t be living in anxiety daily about one thing or the other that your spouse may never even do. Please go on an enjoy your life.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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