One of the things I found out about what we are experiencing or going to experience is the fact that they have a great impact on our attitudes in life. So many people don’t realize it and just let the experience give them an attitude they should not have. Others know about it and they shape their attitude positively in the experience even if it is unpleasant.
I remember there is something that we say in Nigeria when someone else is asking us how we are doing. A friend might just walk up to you and ask, ‘how’re you doing bro?’ The other person may answer by saying, ‘I just gentle o.’ That means I am just gentle. This kind of response sometimes comes from the things that the person has been experiencing.
It could be that he has gone through a lot and does not seem to know what to do again so the situation has made him gentle. In a few other cases the person might be saying he has become gentle because he does not have cash to throw around. There are those who merely use it as an answer.
Some other people have asked me at some point what my temperament is and when I give them the answer they are shocked. They think I am too gentle for the temperament I claim to be. They expect me to talk all the time and be more outgoing. While they are debating my temperaments with me, I start thinking about the things I have gone through that have made me a bit more reserved that I should naturally be.
What attitude is your situation or your experience forcing you to take up? What habits are you forming as a result of the situation that you are in? There are those who form very good habits and there are those who form some bad habits during the unpleasant experiences of life.
Why is this important? I need to let you know how important it is because while picking up those bad habits or forming the wrong attitude, people tend to forget that the situation is for a while. So because of a temporary situation, you form an attitude that can permanently destroy you. This is even more dangerous because when the situation eventually turns around for good, you now have the bad habit or wrong attitude to deal with.
Some people pick up bitterness towards others. Some people begin to develop hatred for those who found it easy to succeed while they were struggling to succeed. There are those who start ignoring the people they used to relate with easily. Other people around them may not even know or see it coming.
You can form the good habits during negative experiences. You can put up the right attitude during negative experiences and I think you need to consciously do it. I tend to strive to still make sure that I write no matter what I am going through. And one of the things I have discovered is that a lot of the things I write during the negative experiences are very inspiring. That’s one of the reasons I also say that a motivational speaker is someone who has been discouraged but is now using his discouragement as a leverage to encourage others.
During your negative experiences you can develop empathy and be able to put yourself in the shoes of others to understand them better. You might be able to develop patience when you realize there is little or even nothing you can do in some situations except to wait for certain things to happen. A few people turn to books just to see what others have done in their own situation or to read about what they just went through.
Whatever it is that you are going through right now, you need to consciously form great habits or check your attitude so that when this phase of the experience is over, you will not have a bad attitude to contend with. That can destroy all the things you waited for patiently or the very essence of going through the tough times.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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