Do we share our past with each other? | Fola Daniel Adelesi

Relationships can be tricky! Even some of the best relationships today can turn sour and you have to move on in life. Some people have had real fun before deciding to settle down and be serious with one partner. People have had lots of what they referred to as fun before they finally met their spouses. There were those on drugs and some were into prostitution. There are people who just can’t share the unimaginable things they’ve done before finally getting married. Do you think you should lay it all bare in your new relationship?

That’s a delicate one isn’t it? Some people will ask you to ensure you don’t hold back on anything. Lay it all before your partner. Others will tell you not to lay it bare because you may lose everything if you do. The reasons for asking you to share your past with your partner or not varies and also depend on the orientation of the new partner you’re about to settle for.

For instance, some people think this new partner has everything they want and sharing their past may cause them to lose it all. Some people want money and their new partner has all the money they can ever imagine. That’s why they don’t want to share that they have a child somewhere or that they can’t have children and they knew about it before marriage. Some ladies want this new gentleman so badly that they can’t share with him that they do not have wombs anymore owing to some terrible things they’ve done in the past.

In some relationships, they’re simply afraid to share their past. It is not that there are known consequences or that there will be any consequence. They’re just afraid to share. There are those whose past too may lead to rejections from their new partners but think they should never be judged based on their past.

You will be right to say that you should not be judged on the basis of your past but some people also know that if they do not share their past, a revelation of that past somewhere in the relationship can destroy everything. For that reason they think about sharing their past so if the partner wants to go ahead, he or she knows what’s ahead or possible revelations in the future.

While I understand that it may be tough to share your past, I really think you should look out for someone who genuinely loves you and will not judge you based on your past. That’s a good place to start with. If you’re also sure that this person will not judge you based on your past, you can then go on to talk about your past to your partner. It may be hard and you may not find the right words in some cases. If you don’t share that past now, imagine what can possibly happen if you’re married and this person eventually finds out everything you’ve been bottling up.

You should also know that telling your spouse about your partner is also not just for the same of information. It helps your healing process if you were hurt in the past and your spouse knows how to help you in the days ahead if there are issues to face. While this is totally up to you, it is important you’re sure that your partner wants to know your past or chooses not to know. Let them make that choice. There are those who say they do not care about the past of their partners and they truly do not care. There are those who sincerely need to be given the privilege of deciding if they will be going ahead in the marriage or not. If you go ahead into a marriage with those who should know and you do not tell them, they would feel ambushed whenever they find out. You don’t want to be ambushed yourself so you need to tell that partner if that’s the partner you’re dealing with.

Now you see that it is not really about you if you have a past to share and you’re about to marry another person. You need to be sure if your partner wants to know or does not want to know and decide how to both carry on from there.

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