Don’t allow divide and rule in your relationship | © Fola Daniel Adelesi

Have you ever heard about the divide and rule strategy and how it is being used by people for their selfish gains? Well if you have not I think you need to get an idea of how it works and how you should never let your marital relationship experience that. The only other way it can happen to you in your relationship is when you have made room for division between you and your spouse.

A few years ago a couple was to get married and I noticed what a member of the man’s family wanted to do through the wife to be. When I got a chance to speak with the wife I told her about how this member of the family was going to use the divide and rule principle. She probably didn’t understand but a few years later she perfect understood what it meant.

For some people it would have been too late and I hope you grab this in time if you have not been in that situation before. There are those who want to get into your relationships and the reasons can vary from the least imaginable ones to the most expected. The person who wants to get into your relationship can be a family member, a colleague in the office, a neighbour, another member in some organisations where you volunteer or some other places.

They may be sexually interested in your partner or they are just interested in the finances of your partner. If they think there is much to be gained from being associated with him or her then they may just be looking for the best way to get.

So how to they divide and rule? It’s simple. The strategy is to try to cause confusion between you and your partner. They play up your weaknesses or inadequacies and just get the other person to resent you or make sure you resent your partner. When this is going on, they may be the ones giving you counsel on how to handle the matter. You may not even realize their cunningness or the subtle way of instigating you against your partner. Once they can cause division between you and your partner then they can isolate one of you and do all the needed brainwashing. So what happens is that one partner is playing out the script of a third party unknowingly.

If you and your spouse stick together and don’t allow outsiders or third parties to mediate in your affairs unduly, you will not be experiencing the divide and rule in your marital relationship. You also need to check it when you notice that you start confiding so much in someone else about your relationship. If you don’t check it, that person will soon have enough influence to divide you and your spouse and rule over at least one of you against the other.

Your marital relationship is called ‘together for – ever’ and not ‘together for – others.’ Since you did not get together for others, you must stick to yourselves no matter what happens. If you really need to confide in someone then carefully choose a respected counsellor who can help without any vested interest in either of you.

When you let others divide and rule in your marital affairs, as a lot of people end up doing, you feel pained the more for not sticking so close to your spouse. To more you stick together the longer your chances of making it through the most unexpected odds in life. This is your life; you should make it and not let others break it.  

I want to invite you to our blog training coming up in a few days if you are in or around Lagos. Join us on 1st of October – Next week Wednesday, Independence day – at 14A, Bayo Dejonwon street, Via Mr. Biggs, Maryland, Lagos. Come and Learn how to blog professionally, promote your blogs and drive traffic to it. Call 08099727293 See details & Register on We look forward to seeing you.

Fola Daniel Adelesi
Edible Pen.

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About the author Fola Daniel Adelesi

Fola Daniel Adelesi is a professional public speaker who also trains other speakers. He's a highly engaging training facilitator and he holds his large audience spell bound when speaking at gatherings. Apart from his several platforms which include banks, insurance companies and religious organizations where he facilitates trainings, he has been a part of some national television shows and he spoke so intelligently. He's an author, business consultant and highly skilled master of ceremony with excellent poise and diction. He was on the Debaters TV reality show season 1, he presented 'You Can' on Radio Continental in 2011 and he did motivational segments on Galaxy TV from Dec 2008 to August 2009. Fola Daniel has authored at least 5 books including ‘Writing Business Proposals,’ ‘The Mentoring father’ and ‘Get up and hit that goal.’ He talked about Social Media on - An ICT Show on Lagos Television from August 2015 to late 2016. He’s a regular guest on some national tv platforms (including Channels TV and Television Continental) and a delight to their audience. He trained as a communications professional, works as a business consultant and was also trained at Lagos Business School in collaboration with Google as a Digital Business Manager. He is the President and CEO of the Edible Pen Group.

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