Amazingly the subject of compromise extends to relationships and marriages. Let’s just say it cuts across board and in one way or the other, people daily compromise. Now I think it’s important to also see the compromise in the relationship or how we are even opening up the doors for compromise.
I think that the first thing that opens doors for compromise in a relationship might just be when one of the parties feels underappreciated or not given even recognition for the efforts put in either to makes things work or for the other party to enjoy. For the man, he just might want more romance and can be asking for it very often. Just then the woman begins to make excuses and unconsciously making the room for compromise.
So many people have debated that the tiredness or whatever excuse your spouse is giving for not meeting your needs in romance should not be a reason to cheat or do any other thing. I totally agree with them. But should we just touch on the legal and not touch on the morals? Don’t you realize that the person who is not meeting his or her spouses’ emotional needs is as much a cheat as the one who goes out to cheat with another person? I call it subtle murder. While I am not debating this issue here now, I just want people to note that it’s one way we introduce or open the room for compromise.
For some women, they are prone to compromise when the man is not considered man enough – paying the bills and meeting all the needs of the family. Yes, it also includes being man enough to satisfy the woman in bed or to have a child.
There are so many other ways we compromise ourselves in relationships and one other one is letting out too much about ourselves to other people. As a couple, you just might be saying something out there that’s not good for the health of your relationship or what you are saying might just be the knife cutting your strings of love. Someone can use it against you or someone might just use it to break your home.
Are other people getting into your private space? You need to limit how much access other people have into your private space as a couple. People can visit you. They can spend time with you and also do a lot with you. That should never take your privacy with your spouse away. The moment your privacy with your spouse is taken away, you both begin to become strangers who are very familiar with each other.
You also should be very careful about who or what gets your attention much more than your spouse. If there’s any other person like that in your life then you are on your way to breaking that relationship with your spouse. No one should ever get closer to you than your spouse. And no one should get as much attention as your spouse is getting.
This is very sensitive because most couples in the busy world seem to spend more time in the work place than they do at home. We wake up as early as five am and leave for work only to return around eight or even nine pm. So we spend a short time together before we sleep but we have more time together with our colleagues in the offices. That’s where the danger is. Who’s that opposite sex that you often spend time with in the office and he or she now gives you counsel that you give priority to above your spouse’s counsel? Take care of that before it’s too late.
When I was getting married my marriage counsellor told my wife and I to make sure we don’t allow children come in between us. I am now passing the same counsel to you because I that sometimes when couples start having children, the focus shifts to the children and before they know it, they are no longer what they promised to be for each other. Your children will grow old and leave at some point. Then the two of you will realize how much of a stranger you have been or begin to see the crutch you have leaning on.
Kindly look inwards today and ask or think about anything you do that’s directly compromising your relationship or opening the doors for compromise. Mend it and move on never to allow such again.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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