What your ideal kind of marriage? Who do you look up to as a couple and you would wish that your marriage will turn out as theirs? Now I can tell that images are running in your head and you are seriously thinking about someone or you already have some couple in mind. In several cases when things like this come up in conversations, people start thinking about some great Hollywood, Nollywood or Bollywood kind of actors and actresses.
So many people tend to forget that those people were put up to act for you and get paid. Even those of them who got married outside of the set and have their personal lives still seem to be living a well calculated life for the camera. Call them celebrity weddings. They know what the people need to see and they are always conscious of how their appearance in public must play out for the people that see them.
Please be well informed that there may be no perfect wedding out there expect that you look at some really responsible couples and take clues from them so that you can learn and improve yours. If you start bringing the celebrity wedding’s expectation into your own marriage, you often become unrealistic. You can expect too much from your spouse and probably drive them to much or even drive them crazy.
Those marriages you look up to that seem so perfect have their own issues to. They don’t have to show it in public. Many of them are already very good at acting for the camera or are used to acting for the camera so even their marriage is an act!
You will be doing yourself a great disservice if you are now driving yourself and your spouse just to look like the celebrity couple you always see. I know you like what they look like. You like their babies. You like their house and the supposedly simple life that they live. It may not always be what it seems. In fact, when you get close to some of them and you tell them you really wish your marriage can be like theirs, I can hear some of them telling you ‘be careful what you wish for.’ Why do you think they will tell you be careful what you wish for? They know you might eventually get it but the question is will you like what you wished for when you eventually get it?
Just as you are thinking your own relationship may not be the ideal one that you wish for, someone else is wishing for your kind of relationship. They think your own is the perfect kind of relationship. They want the things that you have no matter how simple you think it is.
Beyond looking up to each other’s marriages, you have a responsibility to make your marriage what you really want it to be. If you don’t work on it there is no magic that will just transform it and make it what you want it to be. You can’t afford to forget that marriage is a responsibility and when people neglect responsibility to embrace wishes, they get something else.
Other people’s marriages can look good on the outside but it can be something else on the inside or in their closet. Take your own spouse and work out your relationship. Make what you want out of it and not hope that it will become what you want. Having what you want from a marriage does not happen by wishing it. It happens by working it.
Now you should remember at all times that even if those marriages you look up to are exactly what they look like, the people in it worked it out to get what they have. So, you should not just look at theirs but begin to work on your own.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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