If marriages are to remain or last longer than they seem to be breaking today, it will be absolutely necessary for the couple either planning to get married or already married to continue to help each other in love. When the help, arising because of the genuine love that you have for each other, continues to come when solicited or not, the love is likely to become stronger.
Many have said that the Bible says you are each other’s help meet. No! That is not what the Bible says. The Bible says things like:
1. It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him an help meet FOR HIM. Genesis 2:18 (I hope I can go into details of this some other day)
2 …but for Adam, there was not found an help meet for him. Genesis 2:20.
3. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephsians 5:22
4. Hubands, love your wives. Ephesians 5:25
5. So Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. Epheisans 5:28
6. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife. 1 Peter 3:7
7 … to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands. Titus 2:5
I have taken some time to bring up these verses so that we do not take the scriptures out of context just to prove a point. You will also notice that the texts are balanced. It’s not only the texts supporting men or just women. There are clear instructions for both of us. While I strongly believe that men and women should help each other, what the Bible was talking about in the regularly misquoted portion goes beyond domestic help. And there is no place where it inferred that man is the help meet.
That notwithstanding, I have started out by saying there should be help from both parties if the marriage will last longer. When you are home as a husband and you have some time on your hands, it will be nice to help your wife out with some chores in any little way that you can. Even when you seem so busy, you can occasionally make out the time to help with one thing or the other.
Gone are the days when people believe that a woman should do everything at home. If you also realize that your job or other important things may not allow you to help the woman at home, you need to provide some leverage that will help the woman in your absence. The leverage could be a domestic staff or some machines that can make the work easier.
The women too should ask for help when they need help and not presume that their spouses can see that they need help. While you are thinking so much about the domestic chores, the man is seriously thinking about how to take care of family and business. He wants to provide a better life. It is not that some or a lot of women are not doing the same, but you just need to know that the man just wants to provide more and more for his house. So if it looks like he is not doing anything at home, it just might be what he is thinking about.
What the woman should do is to find a nice way to get the man involved and make sure you are not trying to boss him around to make it look like he has an obligation to get things done for you. Ask for the help in love and get things done in love.
When you also notice that the help you asked for in love has been granted, you should appreciate it immediately and verbally. Don’t act like it was nothing and say, ‘after all I am the one doing it all the time.’ Make him feel good for helping you and it will definitely encourage him to help you again. You can even extend the rewards to the bedroom, you know… I am not saying that the bedroom stuff should be a reward for something done. I only say that when he helps you with some things, tell him he gets a bonus for the help.
Men should also constantly recognize the fact that it is the women that is putting their homes in order. Once in a while, go out and buy something to say thank you for all the work that the woman has been doing for you.
If you help each other in love and you do it often, it can also boost your communication. Our communication is strengthened consciously or unconsciously with the people that we spend time with and do things with. Once the communication becomes stronger, the love is easier to take care of. So, continue to help each other!
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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