It’s not what you’re saying; It’s how you’re saying it | Fola Daniel Adelesi

Couples often get offended because of something one partner is saying and the other partner in some cases does not see anything wrong in what has been said. This happens a lot and it looks like the partner who is being spoken to does not want to learn or accept corrections. Hey dear! It is not what you are saying that is the issue. It is how you are saying it that is the problem.
You can be saying something that is the truth but when you are saying it in front of the friends of your partner, it appears as though you’re trying to ridicule the person. You make the person feel worthless and in some cases batter their self-esteem.
When you need to correct someone and tell them the truth, please understand that the correction is not the most important thing at that point. The most important thing at that point is the presentation of the correction. Either the man or the woman in any relationship needs to be careful about presenting faults to the other partner.
Most times, the issues you’re about to raise is already known to the person you’re correcting. If you bear this in mind, then you will understand that people respond better when corrected in love compared to when corrected by scolding.
One tendency that many men have is to talk down at their wives. When this happens, the wives usually develop think skin over time and may react rather than respond to the correction. As a man, you must be careful to not talk down at your wife either in front of people or even in private. Words are powerful so you need to be careful with your words. Even if you speak in anger and you want to say that you didn’t mean what you said, the words would have gone out and the damage would have been done. It is better not to say certain things at all than to hope you will correct the impact of those words.
The challenge with a lot of women too is that they have very sharp tongues. Before the man says one thing they’ve responded with twenty! Some women can abuse a dead person and the dead will wake up out of anger. No matter how spirit filled, gentle, kind, caring and loving some men are, the razor mouth of some ladies can bring out a beast in them. Women, even when you’re telling the truth, say it in a better and more appealing way.
Use the sandwich approach when correcting. This approach is a simply strategy for correcting or scolding someone. All you have to do is to start by praising the person that needs to be corrected. Highlight their strengths then move on to talk about where they need to improve or do something differently. Then end with highlights of their strengths again. When you engage this strategy, it is easier for your spouse to accept correction than when you simply open fire will all the things they’re not doing well.
Before you say anything to your spouse and say, ‘I am a realist,’ simply remember that what you say is not as important as how you say it. When you it right, you can save your marriage. When you don’t say it right, you can destroy your marriage. Hope this helps you.
 

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