It is usually nice for anyone to have learnt how to be selfless just before getting into a relationship that is marriage bound. If they fail to learn such before that time they are usually forced to learn it as soon as they get into a serious relationship.
Sometimes when you have arguments and almost get into a fight you will be able to trace the root of that issue back to one persons selflessness being taken advantage of by another persons selfishness. If you think that your partner is not complaining and you keep doing something over and over again you will so push him or her to the wall and you will not be able to take the reaction that will come.
Marriage is a place where you are forced to learn how to be selfless. Even if you thought you were selfless before you got married, you will still learn more on how to give more of yourself to others and still expect less from them. That’s where you get to see giving unto others as your responsibility and not as a seed that must always be rewarded.
You will have to give your body when you feel like and when you don’t feel like. You will also have to give your time when it is convenient and when it is not. Your resources are no longer yours. Whatever you own now belongs to the two of you. You also become compelled to think more of others much more than you think about yourself.
I bet some marriage counsellors may have been sweet talking you on how things may be but you have to face the reality. When you get into marriage, there are times when you will certainly feel like you are giving much more into the relationship than the other person. It may also become painful if the other party does not seem to recognize your input at all. You are doing all that you can to let him or her see how much you are putting in but all the efforts are just not recognized.
If that’s what you have been going through, I’d say welcome to the school of selflessness. I bet you may feel like throwing some punches just because of how you feel but you will only be punching the air. Just after doing that, another responsibility will come calling and another selfless act will be required.
There’s one thing you should keep in mind. There will be no right time to stop making all those inputs that you are making. There is no time when your selfless acts in marriage or a serious relationship will be enough. It has to be all the way till death do you part. It is a place where you will spend and you will be spent!
Another part to it is that you will not be thinking if your partner deserves your selfless acts or not. Once you both make a commitment to get into a relationship that is marriage bound or you are already married, you’ve already gone past the check time for who deserves your selflessness. You no longer have to think twice about it. You just have to make those commitments. You have to throw yourself in and make sure you are doing it with all your might.
Are you thinking about being too committed right now? Does it appear you are making more sacrifices than your partner! You have a chance to learn selflessness and to do more. You will eventually see it pays off.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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