This is sequel to the article ‘Finding purpose before finding a spouse’ published on February 14 on www.foladaniel.wordpress.com
It will always be for the good of those intending to get married to marry the people whose purpose in life they understand and can fit into. Purpose will keep you together and you can survive some issues that have broken or are breaking other people’s homes.
I think it was last year or the previous one that we had a couple’s meeting in an organization. It was a serious one. I saw people who have been married for more than 20 years come together and relate as though they just got married. The oldest couple in the meeting had been married for over fourty years! When you seem them, they are still looking great together as a couple. The man in his seventies still drives around with his wife only. They talk and laugh while the young people around them just wish or pray for that kind of long lasting marriage.
A second look at the life of that old couple and the few others at the meeting shows that they understood each other’s purpose and were working to make it happen for each other. That’s one great thing that must happen in marriage. You make things happen for each other.
When we take a look at the first verse of the Bible where God began to introduce marriage, we will realize that God’s thoughts, when he started the process, was linked to purpose. What did he say? ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a help meet.’ So many people have said that this is about companionship but there is a question you should ask. If a man is not doing anything why will God be talking about creating a help meet for him? Is it not someone who is doing something that needs help? What then is the help meet – woman – that God created supposed to help with?
I think I can safely say that the woman was created to help with the purpose of the man. You may also want to say that the woman is the help sent into the life of the man to lighten the burden of his purpose. When people who are not doing anything and have not found purpose try to find a spouse, they get confused and mix things up. Sometimes they run into trouble. That’s why some people rush into marriage and rush out!
This issue of purpose must never be taken for granted because it is purpose that binds you together. There will be times in the marriage when some people will feel like pulling out. Those times could be hard and you begin to doubt if you made the right choice. A number of times you can be so angry at each other and wondering what got into the two of you. I believe that these kind of moments last in marriages without purpose. Worse still, they break those marriages.
There can be a small issue and one of the partners will say, ‘that’s it! I have had enough. This is the end of the marriage.’ Before you blink they are out of the home for good. With a clearly defined purpose for both parties, things don’t just break up that way. When the love goes down, the purpose becomes stronger. In fact, the purpose can actually strengthen your love. When you have a purpose that’s clear to both of you and you are working hard at it, you unconsciously strengthen the foundation of your love. You will love what you are doing, love the person you are doing it with and also have more reason to continue the work while loving each other the more!
A woman will not keep fighting a man when she clearly sees where she fits in the life of the man. The man will also not keep fighting the woman when he also clearly sees the role of the woman in securing his destiny.
I agree that many of the things you may have read from great authors on marriage may work but one great thing that will bind you together in your long journey will be your shared purpose! That’s why the Bible also asks if two can work together except they be agreed? Working together and agreement here is not just agreeing to marry. It is to agree on some more delicate issues of life and work together on it.
If there is no purpose for anything that you are involved in, you can easily walk away. If there is no purpose for the marriage that you are getting into, you will not bond as you ought to and can also easily walk away at every slight opportunity! Remember that marriage is a life-long process which can be the decision of a moment. The decision can make you happy for the rest of your life or leave you sad. It has even taken the life of some others.
I have said more than a word even though they say a word is enough for the wise. Marry in purpose, be bound together and stay as a happy love bird for the rest of your life.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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