Should couples work or live in different cities? | Fola Daniel Adelesi

One of the discussions young people getting married should have before marriage is the possibility of living in two different cities or countries. This is a critical discussion to have because it can make or break the marriage. There are too many people who do not have these conversations before marriage and it seems to show up unexpectedly. When it does, it tears some people’s marriages apart effortlessly. For others, they struggle for a while and may be able to fix things.

While I understand that many people do not envisage having to live separately, it is a conversation you need to have with your spouse when you’re about to get married and even now if you’re already married. So it is still not too late to have this conversation. How are you going to cope? What are you going to do? How will you ensure that out of sight is not out of mind?

If you’re marrying someone who works in a company with several branches out of the state where you live, it is crucial to have this conversation because you should expect that one day, he or she might get a promotion and that promotion may come with a transfer. If you’re marrying a military man, policeman or any other officer in the paramilitary, this is a conversation you must have with your spouse. If you’re marrying a pastor who works for a mission with multiple parishes across various states and countries, you can’t avoid discussions around how to live together or apart when the need arises.

The reason living apart tears the family apart is because many are usually unprepared for it. In some marriages, it creates a distance between the husband and wife despite being in the age of technology. Distance was understandable in a time when there was no technology. Although I must admit that despite the presence of technology, there are still some remote areas where people can be asked to go and work and communication with their family members will still be an issue. With that out of the way or not being your own case, communication must be very strong if you’re going to live in a city that’s different from where you wife or husband is.

If you don’t build or maintain strong communication, it is only a matter of time before you start building that communication with the people you see around you. That’s why it is easy for people who are away from their spouses to start cheating on their spouses. Where it is avoidable to live in separate cities from your spouse, I strongly advise against it.

I know there are so many couples who are currently living in different countries. For some, it is because of their jobs. There are those who are trying to relocate and they thought they could go first and relocate the entire family in a few months. Few months have turned to several months and even years for some. It is important to plan very well to ensure that living in different countries does not break your marriage or disconnect you completely from your family.

Living apart might work out easily for some families and for some others, it may not work so easily. If you’re going to be married or are already married to someone whose love language is touch, you should know that living apart will be tough. That’s because the person will be looking for someone who will tough him or her all the time. Someone who is not disciplined around the opposite sex too will find it difficult to stay without his or her spouse.

In some cases where the fathers of the house have to live in different cities, it becomes a bit hard for the women to take a firm stand on the children. The absence of that fatherly figure then allows some children to turn out different and maybe wayward. That’s why you need to weigh the impact of living apart on your spouse and your children where children are involved. If you are already living apart and this is working against your family, you already know that you need to arrange how your family will be with you or you come back to your family.

When all is said and done, whatever you went to pursue in the other city or country will not be as important as your family. Think about it and decide on what works for you or how to make it work to live in different cities or countries and still have a lovely family.

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