Even the teeth and the tongue do fight but they both know that the earlier they reconcile the better. If they choose not to reconcile, the consequences of their arrogance will be equally shared. I understand it may be hard for couples to stay together without having some issues to trash out. In all of these, the really wise couples must come to the knowledge of the fact that the things you are both fighting about are tiny matters compared to the things you need to fight together.
Let me make that clearer to you just in cases it did not sink in that simple line. Your coming together was for a synergy. The only way to achieve the purpose of that synergy is when you stick together regardless of what tries to break the bond between you. There will always be reasons to want to disagree. The human nature in the man or the woman will always come to play and when that happens, you will look at each other’s faces and forget the days when you first sang love songs to each other.
There is the tendency to forget how you chased each other like chickens on heat or when no other person in the house will no peace because of the name on your lips that drops at every single opening into the ears of others. For a moment the love seizes and hated stands a chance to gain access. It comes closer so long as the fight continues and when the fight is unduly prolonged, it gains unrestricted access to stay and also cause havoc beyond imagination.
Surprisingly, when you check what the love birds are fighting about, they are the very things that ought to keep you together. Bear in mind that no one is perfect. Your spouses will make mistakes. I know it can be very discouraging when you have talked about something for so long and nothing changes. You have told your spouse something you don’t like and you expect him to change but he still has not changed over the years. You also happen to know that he or she will do the same thing tomorrow. That is not a good thing to have to deal with every day of your life.
I know that for some of you, if your spouse was your staff, you would have fired him or her. You only happen to be stuck with this one and that’s why you are just ‘tagging along’ as they say, until a miracle happens.
My intention is not to teach you how to change your man or how to change your woman. While you may be praying hard that he or she changes so that you both do not have to fight anymore, there are more important things fighting both of you compare to the little things you are both fighting each other about.
There is something that does not want your marriage to work. Someone is hoping you split. There is a man out there waiting for that woman you call trash. You will not be able to imagine there’s someone who wants your husband and will even ask him to keep his money. The person is ready to give your husband all the money he can never dream about getting on his job in several years. Someone somewhere is secretly wishing you don’t ever get a child out of that marriage. You both have limitations to deal with. There are things that have been happening in your family that you don’t like and it has already started showing up in your own family as well. Some people may call it generational curses. You probably noticed that your mother raised you and your siblings alone and it already looks like you will end up raising the children alone.
Maybe you have forgotten that men in your husband’s family seem to be dying before they clock fifty or sixty because of something serious they all deal with. You run a check on the family and you notice that all the other children in the extended family are pulling out of schools. Your own children are the only ones left and they are just struggling with it each day.
Before you got married to each other you remember how your man’s family members did not want him to marry you. They said you were just after his money or that you were a nobody. When you eventually married him they started saying you are the one who’s not allowing their brother to treat them the way he used to treat them. They say you no longer let him take good care of the family. For your are a woman you also remember how they will not let you marry this man until you probably eloped with him or you forced your way out of your own house into his house. Now you are together and you are fighting each other over what?
If only couples will sit together and see the magnitude of what they have to fight together, they will NEVER think about fighting each other. While you are fighting your husband for drinking or fighting him for throwing his shoes around in the living room, the devil is fighting for the life of your child. While you are planning to punish your husband with sex just because he annoyed you or didn’t do something you already fantasized about, the devil was already working out how to take the entire marriage. It’s just as if people don’t see anything. You keep the focus on the little stuff while the big things are getting out of hand. By the time you discover the big things that went out of hands you then start trading blames.
You know I can go on and on about the things you both need to fight together. Your parents struggled to get you through school and now you have started struggling to keep your children in school. Your mother fought your father until the day he just didn’t show up anymore. You have started out on the same path. You are about to push your man into another woman’s hands just like that!
We all get hurt! We are humans. We sometimes just expect some simple things some our spouses and when they don’t happen we are so disappointed.
Please not that this is also not just for the married people. It is for the entire family system and you belong to a family. If you are a man or woman, young or old, single or married, you belong to a family. There is something we have to fight together as a family in other to keep our unity rather than the little ridiculous things we used to argue over and is now creating more gap between us.
If you will take my words today and just be realistic, you will see that what is fighting the two of you is far more than what the two of you are fighting about. Put your house in order. There is a big fight that both of you have to cooperate to win. This is not a one man fight. It is not a one woman fight. The fight is not about just one of you. The fight exists in the first place because the two of you came together. And this does not mean you were not supposed to be together because the devil till fights against what is good. Just put the petty things aside and face the big fight.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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