What was your relationship like in the past year with your spouse? Was it the best it could be? Did you do nearly everything just right? Were you always on time for each other? What about mutual respect? Now what is the situation with your romantic or sexual lives? Have you become so used to each other that you no longer see the need to be all over each other or are you just losing the momentum?
Often times we want to write our plans and goals alone without reckoning the fact that our decisions or new plans will always affect the lives of another person who can walk away from us. We are even already one and should not do things separately. Even when you have to do things separately it is very important for your spouse to know about it.
That might be a great place to start the resolution you will need to make as a couple in this New Year. You both have to decide and agree that you will do more things together. I have been in a number of meetings where married people are discussing and I see that people are still very afraid to share information with their spouses.
There are those who have some money stashed up somewhere that their spouses don’t know about. Some are afraid that whatever information is disclosed to their spouses will become public knowledge. A few others say their spouses are spendthrifts and once they know about the things they have, there is the possibility that resource will soon dry up.
While those concerns are really genuine, I think that you have to help your spouse for those who have not been jointly making decisions. Sometimes when things go wrong, you will find that your concerns are really small compared to the consequences you both have to suffer or at least one person has to endure because you both did not share information with each other.
If you are married then you need to address the issue of trust and once that is cleared you have to ensure that you work together. When I wrote some plans this year I had to show my wife those plans. That’s very important because she will be affected by my decisions and by new plans. I can’t just say it’s my life and can do what I choose to. We need to move along in every phase and there is more peace at home when everything is laid bare without anyone feeling suspicious of another for any reason at all.
There are different resolutions you can make together and they can begin with some of the questions I opened with. You can make resolutions on your finances and have a solid plan to stick with them. You both can make each other accountable. In some cases you will find that your resolution can work simply because you humbled yourself and became accountable to your spouse to make it happen.
When you look at what you have done in the past year and you notice there was a problem with communication, you can work out a plan and stick to a resolution to improve communication between you and your spouse. Bear in mind that any relationship with very little or no communication will die a natural death. That’s why you need to assess that and see what needs to be improved upon.
Both of you can set a project for yourself this year. If you make some good money and cannot tell where all the money is going then you have to sit down and talk. You need to decide on something tangible that you can put your resources into so that at the end of the year you will see where your money has gone to.
It is also possible that you may not be making enough money as a couple and you have bills to pay. One of the things you need to do is to look out for investments that you both can be a part of. Look out for something that can become another source of income for the family so that you will not be hungry or be fighting over money every now and then.
For a lot of people in marriages, once their financial issues are sorted and spending habits are dealt with you can be certain they will have a blissful marriage till death separates them. Don’t let issues of common sense divide you and your spouse now or any other time. Come together and start agreeing on what to do and stick to it bearing in mind that the best coming out of it is for your relationship.
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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