From Biological fathers to real fathers | © Fola Daniel Adelesi

I am so glad that we have finally seen another day, and probably the only day in the year, when the world remembers that fathers ought to be celebrated. I think that fathers are under celebrated everywhere in the world and in most cultures. You often here people talk about mothers and how the mothers are this and the mothers are that. The efforts of the fathers go unrecognized and we unconsciously kill many of these great fathers.
While there is nothing wrong with celebrating the mothers, I think that one should not be so over placed compared to the other. I have seen many men who are working their hearts out for their families and nobody notices that until they drop dead.
It is important to recognize how men can always be under pressure just to make sure that the family is taken care off. They may not be earning so much but whatever they are doing should be appreciated. In a number of cases, I think that all the efforts or investments of parenting are credited to women alone. So for years, people have been very unfair to men in the way they are appreciated or celebrated.
The men who have been up to the task or who have given up nearly everything for their family must be celebrated. The men who have not run away from their responsibilities should not be communized. If they have stayed through the thick and thin, bearing insults just to make things happen for the family deserve commendations. They may not have it all together but they have gone through things that they cannot totally explain to you.
That’s the first part of what I intend to pass across and the second part is to ask some men out there to get real and become real fathers. You need to remember that what makes you a man is not the muscle in between your legs that will occasionally get fired up. Please remember that even an ambitious teenager can become a biological father by virtue of the natural deposits of God in him.
Don’t just be a man in appearance or a father because you have met with a woman and something has come out of your loins. Be a real father. Go further in life and take responsibilities. There’s more to you as the father of a child than just bringing that child to the world.
If you have been man enough to bring a child to the world then you have to be man enough to take care of the family that you have started willingly or unwillingly. You can’t even start saying you were not prepared for the child or ready to run a family. If you know how to have sex and you went ahead to, then you are ready for a family. The only way to convince anyone in the world that you are not ready to raise a family is to never raise your hand and touch a woman.
In a bid to help some and to remind others what the first steps are in being a real man, I have thought about these things that you must do with or for your family and they are:
Provision for the family – You are the head of the family and your first responsibility that, without being told, is to provide for the family. It is not an option. It is not a choice. It is a must that you provide for your family. I understand that things may be tough but it is not an excuse for you to sit and do nothing. You must do whatever is legitimately acceptable for you to provide something for your family. You must bury your pride and do whatever needs to be done just to make sure you bring something to the table. Let it be known that you are doing what needs to be done and that you are putting in your best.
Leadership for the entire family – You have to provide leadership for the family. You cannot leave this responsibility to the mother of the house. You should lead both physically and spiritually in the house. When you choose not to lead then you give yourself up for ridicule. That’s why it is very important for people to understand that leadership cuts across board. You have to learn something about leadership if you do not know yet. Learn how to lead a family or a small group and put the learning to use. It will make you a better father.
Mentoring the children – too many children are picking on the wrong mentors and I think that it is partly because they did not get any form of mentoring at home. You may not be the big mentors that your children see on television and admire so much like celebrities. That notwithstanding, you still must provide mentoring for the children. You have to be the first point of call when they are trying to remember lessons in life. Give them a footing in life to hold unto and let them take it from there.
Protection – In your own little way it is important that you provide some form of protection or security for your family. The people you call your family want to feel safe around you. They want to be rest assured that daddy can stand up for them. It is important for them to know that to an extent they can be defended. This does not mean that you are a super hero or a warrior who can beat up anyone for your family or get rid of anyone. They just want to know that you can stand up for them rather than just watch them. Why should they be totally defenceless if they have a father?
I understand that being a father can be tough. It’s a lot more than what so many people bargained for. Some are feeling hurt but they can’t share it with anyone. Some of them want to cry but they can’t cry publicly. A few others think they should run away. The fact that many are not even appreciated makes it worse for them.
It’s enough work trying to be a good father and I can’t imagine combining that with the responsibility of dealing with a nagging wife. It can be tough especially know that you are giving it all it takes.
Don’t quit. Your efforts will not go down the drain. I pray you receive wisdom, direction and favour required to be a great the father that your family will be proud of. Keep being, and for those who have not started, start being a real father.

Fola Daniel Adelesi
Edible Pen.
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