How healthy are you both? | Fola Daniel Adelesi

No marriage should be consummated when the parties in the marriage aren’t aware of each other’s health status. If you will not take a lot of things seriously about the person you’re about to marry, this shouldn’t be one of them. Can people get sick after the wedding? Yes, they can get sick after the wedding but it is a different thing when they are dealing with stuff they aren’t sharing with you before marriage.

If you walk into marriage knowing that your spouse is sick, that will be because you understand the things you will be dealing with. Your partner opened up to you and made known to you the doctor’s diagnosis. From that diagnosis, you probably already have a worst-case scenario. It shouldn’t be that you got into marriage only to find out what you were going to be dealing with.

From all the possible health issues that can come up either before the wedding or after the wedding, we all know that a genotype was set from birth and you can’t spring a surprise about genotype on someone after marrying the person. There is no need to hide your genotype from your spouse and you should know that of your spouse.

Sometimes I wonder what singles or intending couples chat about these days. Many of them don’t talk about their health until they show up for counselling and the counsellor or the church marriage committee insists on some medical tests. If you are serious about marrying someone, you must discuss your finance and your health before you even start talking to others about your relationship. I am also of the opinion that you go to independent doctors to examine yourselves and confirm your genotype.

There are people who got married only to find out they got married to people with sickle cell. They are human beings. They have health challenges and they can live normal lives if they take all the precautions from their doctors. Some of the people living with sickle cell can all live to a good old age. The problem is not getting married to someone with sickle cell but marrying the person without knowing what you’re walking into.

If you are the one living with sickle cell, please disclose your status to anyone who wants to marry you and let the person make a decision. Not disclosing this to anyone who wants to marry you may cause what you are running away from. You may not want to be abandoned but that may happen if they find out you’re living with sickle cell.

While a lot of counsellors will advise against marrying anyone with sickle cell, it is still up to the partners to decide to move forward or back out. You have to be prepared for the possibilities of bringing sick children into the world and the crisis they may face. This will take a toll on your finances and it will also affect your work or business. The crisis may keep your spouse or children out of school regularly and this is something you have to be prepared for. Please do not joke with this.

I have also heard about infertility issues that someone in the marriage knows about but refuses to disclose before the wedding. Some women know they do not have wombs but have refused to disclose this. Some men also know they have serious erectile dysfunctions or that their ‘manhood’ can’t come alive when it’s time to perform as a man. They also refuse to disclose something as serious as this and they go ahead with the wedding.

You can imagine the trouble that begins immediately when the unsuspecting spouse finds out about infertility issues their partners are having. If a woman does not have a womb, you may eventually find a man who is not interested in having children. This could be because of age or for the fact that he already has children. In this case, having no womb will not be a problem but how do you handle a man who cannot come alive at all? That’s more serious because you have to be able to come alive whether you want children or not.

I am not a medical doctor but I believe there are ways to confirm the health status of the person you’re about to spend the rest of your life with. This is something you also have to do with some wisdom. If you are dealing with a mature partner you can throw open the need to have a medical examination before going ahead with any wedding. If your partner isn’t mature enough or will take offence when you ask for a medical examination, you can go through a counsellor.

A counsellor, marriage committee, a mentor that you both submit to or your parents, if they are alive, can help handle this part of medical examination. This should be your last resort when you have seen that your partner may not be open to testing in a transparent manner.

There are those who may develop terminal illnesses after marriage but if you are dealing with a terminal illness before the wedding, you need to disclose it. Sometimes, your partner may look perfect. Your partner may look healthy but you will discover that something is wrong when you both subject yourselves to a medical examination.

How do handle a partner who is living with HIV/AIDs who has refused to disclose it to you? People living with HIV can get married and safely have children. They can live long and have no crisis but you must disclose this to your partner or your partner must disclose this to you.

Someone may also have cancer or any other terminal illness. Falling sick isn’t the issue when it comes to marriage. Knowing about it and not sharing with your prospective partner is a big issue. It is important to let your partner know what you are dealing with. A partner should be able to decide if the wedding should go on or not.

No one should be tricked into marriage and I must say having a child from a previous marriage isn’t something to hide. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t married to the other parent of your child. Just make it known to your new partner and be open about the circumstances that led to having the child. Be open about your involvement in the child’s life and how that can possibly impact the new union you’re about to walk into. Telling yourself that it isn’t time to tell your partner about a child is simply a waste of time. Like we say in some quarters, you are merely postponing the evil days if this new partner will not accept you on the grounds that you have a child with another person. If this partner does not want your child, others will come and throw their arms around the same child or children.

No one should ever feel that you married them to offset medical bills. You shouldn’t give anyone the impression that they are your insurance. That’s why you should know how healthy you are and also ensure you know how healthy your spouse is before getting into any marriage. Once you both have a clean bill, you will have plenty of time to travel the world, eat lunch and dinner in different countries and go to the beach as often as you want. Regardless of how committed you are in the relationship right now; it is not too late to check yourselves and back out if you need to. If you fell in love, this is the time to stand and shine your eyes. Once there are no health hurdles to cross like the ones listed above, you can fall back into love.

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