Observe Financial Habits of your prospective spouse | Fola Daniel Adelesi

Financial habits are critical in every form of relationship and it is therefore important to check out the financial habits of the person you’re about to get married to. Even if the relationship will not lead to marriage, it is still something you can’t joke with.

You probably have heard that there is no romance when there is no finance. While that statement may not be applicable in all circumstances, it has an element of truth which must be taken seriously.

There are several red flags you can pick in any relationship just by watching how people talk about money, how they think money should be made and how they actually spend the money when they have some of it.

If you have a partner who talks more about spending money than making money, there is an issue there. While this is not a critical issue, it must be addressed and the first place to begin for this person is financial literacy. You need to be sure that you are not getting into marriage with someone who only thinks about spending money rather than making money. If this is you or your spouse, your future is at risk.

The future of everything you’re about to build is also at risk when you hardly ever talk about making money but know how well to spend it. The purpose of financial literacy here will be to change either your orientation or the orientation of your partner to start seeing the importance of money-making, money management and money multiplication. 

In marriage, you will need a lot of money. There will be bills to pay. You will need to rent and plan towards owning a house if you’re not married to someone who already owns a house or you do not own one by the time you’re getting married. You will need to feed and send your children to school. Education can be expensive, depending on the country or the area you live in.

Bear in mind that many of the bills you will need to sort as a family are not negotiable. That’s why this money habit is very important.

Does your spouse gamble? Is your spouse involved in some betting schemes? Have you noticed that you really don’t know what your spouse does but this person is living large or living a decent lifestyle? You shouldn’t brush that aside. You must know the visible and verifiable job that your would-be spouse is into so that you don’t get into trouble in the future.

Do you have a spouse that believes you shouldn’t bother to save because money will always come? Now that’s a problem. Do you have a spouse who hardly wants to spend? That’s also a problem so there should be a balance between spending and saving. If you spend all, you will get into trouble repeatedly. If you don’t spend at all, you can also get into trouble that the money you’re keeping will not be able to handle.

When your partner spends too much, you both have to discuss why you should not spend everything right now. If you save something for the future, it will be to the benefit of both of you and the family you are planning to build. Whatever you do not spend today will still be there for you to enjoy tomorrow so don’t always think about spending. And don’t over deny yourself under the guise of saving. You can plan your spending.

For example, you may have enough cash to buy a brand-new car, but should you? If you have the cash to buy a brand-new car today, will you be able to maintain that car when you look at the regular maintenance cost? You can save some money and buy a used car for a start. You don’t need a car to impress people. The purpose of your car is to serve you and your family.

You may need to rent an apartment but do you need to rent the apartment in a certain area because that’s where your friends are living? Are you trying to rent the apartment in that area just to prove to people you have a good life? You need to remember that when the landlord comes knocking on your door your will not exchange reputation for rent. Reputation is for your friends and family wile rent is for the landlord.

The day you cannot continue to fund that reputation by living in that area, the landlord or agent will throw you out of the house and your reputation will follow your exit from that house. There is nothing wrong with living in a place you can afford. Choose a decent place that your regular income can pay for. It is a different scenario when people lose their jobs and cannot afford rent anymore but it is suicidal to start out on a crazy rent. 

Your house should give you peace and not hypertension because of the cost of the rent. I have seen and also heard about several cases of people who would just do everything to avoid the owners of the house they live in. some of them start running from pillar to post or stop sleeping at home. Some issue dude cheques which is a financial crime. Just calm down and start on your level to have peace of mind.

As you make more money and you are sure you have some savings, you can move into bigger houses. When you are young, living in a big house isn’t your worry and should not be your focus.

Does your spouse borrow recklessly or shamelessly? You need to check this because it will get both of you into trouble if you don’t. I understand that there are several things out there to tempt us. Many things will look like emergencies but they are not. Some people have a habit of making all their wants look like an emergency.

Wanting a wristwatch isn’t an emergency. If you borrow to buy the wristwatch, you’re sliming your chances of getting real emergency funds when you need one. Clothes and shoes are not emergencies. Even when a car is a necessity, there are cheaper options to go for. There is always a cheaper and decent house to live in. don’t go shopping in places where you just have to prove a point to people. There are other places you can visit and get all that you need at cheaper prices.

Borrowing can be good when you are borrowing for the purpose of business and you need to make every possible effort to stick with the purpose of the loan. This is always the most important step towards paying back the loan. If you also have to borrow, ensure you’re not borrowing more than you can afford to return. This will create problems in the future.

Going into marriage, you probably both have to agree on the loans you need to take if you have to take any and must know the conditions of the loans. You don’t want to wake up to some bankers asking to take over your house because it was the collateral for the loan that your spouse took. While this may seem difficult because your partner may feel stifled, it is important so that you don’t wake up and suddenly become homeless or worse still, be a guest of the police for a couple of days, months or years.

Do you like to show off or you have a partner who likes to show off? If you are showing off anything, it must be something you own. Don’t show off a wristwatch you borrowed money to buy. Don’t show off with a car you borrowed money to buy. Don’t show off in clothes and shoes you borrowed money to buy. Though I think there is no need to show off in the first place. If you must do, don’t do it on loans.

Anyone who likes to show off may also not be doing it on loans but will overspend just to show off. If you have someone who overspends just to show off, you’re most likely going to have an elaborate wedding that you cannot afford. You may end up borrowing to pay for a wedding and you start the marriage on heavy debt.

Some may say they are not borrowing but if you have the money or there are family and friends willing to sponsor you, it shouldn’t be for a party. Take the money and spend little on your wedding while you start a solid business with the rest.

You don’t even want to hear the many stories I have heard about vendors at weddings who never got paid for their services or weren’t able to get their substantial balance after services were rendered. There is no need for all that trouble. Some form of research has proven that Sex, Money and Communication are the three foremost problems breaking many marriages or simply turning them into war zones. You don’t want to start your marriage with money problems when there is no need to do so.

Please note that I haven’t said you should not enjoy life or enjoy the money that you have. You can enjoy the money if you have it but there are questions you must ask yourself to guide most of the spending that you will do in the house. While this is not a comprehensive list, you can ask the following as you make and try to spend money:

  1. Is this thing important or can it wait?
  2. Is this the best deal for my money?
  3. Am I spending as a necessity or spending to impress?
  4. When I spend this, what do I have left?

I think I should live it as only four simple questions to ask yourself when you’re about to spend. If you have a potential partner who is not cool with this, you have to ask if you should go ahead with the marriage.

Finally, on the issue of financial habits, be sure you’re not going into marriage with someone who believes money can be made anyhow. Anyone who believes that getting money is more important than how you got the money is a dangerous person. When your partner brings money to the table and isn’t willing to share how the money was obtained, you need to be careful. I have been married for a little while but my wife still asks me from time to time how and where I got money from when I give her some money to sort of the things we need to sort.

If someone believes that you can make money anyhow or that how you make money isn’t important, that person can steal effortlessly to get money. This kind of person can kidnap people for money. The person will not see any problem with killing people for money. They don’t have to start out as thieves, kidnappers or killers. But when put in a tight corner and money is at stake, their mindset already tells you what will happen. Their values show that they value money more than human lives. If you are the one to get hurt in the process, this person will not have a problem with it too so long as money pops out of the process.

You don’t want to be married to someone who values money above human lives because the life at stake here could be yours or that of your children and other family members. Please, watch the financial habits or mentality of the person you are about to marry.

The financial habit of your spouse will affect your future and your children. If you don’t watch it, it can ruin your life. You can lose everything in one day. While I understand that there are things you can’t really pick before the wedding, it is a bit easy to pick the financial habits of your partner. You simply need to watch what happens when there is money and how money is treated.

Recommendation

  1. If your partner’s financial habit is a serious concern to you, maybe you shouldn’t go ahead with a wedding when this partner isn’t willing to change and showing serious signs of commitment to change.
  2. Note how your partner reacts to the issue of planning or budgeting and what dominates the budget
  3. Be sure you’re getting married to someone whose financial dealings will be open and does not believe you can make money ‘anyhow.’        

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