Should in-laws live with you? Fola Daniel Adelesi

Conversations like this may be a bit difficult to have in some relationships but no matter how difficult they seem, it is best to have these conversations before getting into marriage when you can’t make a U-turn and you have to live with the decisions that you didn’t discuss. There is nothing like living with a shock you never prepared for. When people tell you that love is blind but marriage will open the eyes of those people in love, this is one of such issues that will open those eyes.
Are you the kind of person that wants to live alone? Well, you better have a rethink if you’re getting married to someone who has a lot of siblings. It could be that your own house is a GRA and you’re getting married to someone from the military barracks. You may end up thinking that you’re not compatible.
For those who are not Nigerians who do not live in Nigeria, you may not understand the analogy of GRA and military barracks so I’ll explain. GRA simply means Government Reserved Area. It is an estate where you’ll find most of the upper-middle class in Nigeria. They don’t have it all together but they’re not poor. They have very few children and some of them can afford some vacations abroad. This is one type of family and that’s different from the kind of family you call military barracks. You already know that several people live in the military barracks. That should then give you an idea of what the military barracks family looks like. It is the family where they have a lot of children and several uncles and aunts living with them. There is never a dull moment in the house because tens of people or more live in the house per time. When there are a few people in the house, the house is boring.
Now if you’re from the GRA kind of family with about two children or three at most, you should know that it will be almost impossible to not have in-laws visit or live with you when you marry a man or woman from military barracks. In some other cases, you don’t even need to marry someone from a large family. You simply need to be married to someone from a family with very strong bond and you’ll have in-laws come around a lot.
If you’re marrying an only son or daughter or the most successful son or daughter, you know it is almost impossible to not have in-laws come around too. What you need to do is to have the conversation with your spouse way ahead of their visits so you know if you have to set boundaries or how to handle them when they visit.
With some couples, it might be easy for them to say they do not want in-laws living with them and they will stick with that. In some families, one partner may not want in-laws but has very little choice since there were no discussions around it prior to marriage. Again, I think this is a conversation you can still have in marriage because your marriage to your spouse is really the most important. You must protect that marriage and not just your interest with the visiting in-laws regardless of how important they are to you.
If you were open to having in-laws visit and spend time but it has become an issue, you should have a discussion with your spouse and agree on how best to manage the situation so that you live happily together. Whatever the case is, don’t put the happiness of others above that of your spouse in a marriage. What the Lord has joined together, let no in-law put asunder.

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